Scene: Daddy Shortbread and I have just turned off the bedroom lights. We are both exhausted after a crappy week and grateful to be at that part of the day where it's dark, and you are no longer required to do anything other than sleep.
Also? In addition to my standard two cups of coffee in the morning, I had a grande latte around 3:00.
And a Diet Coke with dinner.
I was TIRED. I still had four hours of awake time ahead of me. It was practically medicinal.
Have I ever mentioned that caffeine late in the day makes me slightly paranoid? Really no big deal. Just thought I'd mention it.
Me (suddenly alert): Hey, did you hear that?
Daddy Shortbread (who knows me well): Yes. It was nothing.
Me: It sounded like one of the cats. Did you put them downstairs? (We put them in Cat Jail aka Our Family Room overnight, as they are wont to do things like frolic on our heads at 2:30 am).
Me: And shut the door?
DS (possibly growling): Yesss.
Me: If you're sure... (letting my voice trail off doubtfully)
DS: I'm. Sure.
Me: Oh. Because I'd hate to call 911 and have it be the cat again.
(Remind me to tell you this story sometime).
DS (pretending to sleep):
Me (listening intently): Hey, I know you're not sleeping.
DS: You're not calling 911. There's no way an intruder got into the dining room in the three minutes between me turning off the light and coming to bed.
Me (really getting freaked out): Oh, my God. I hadn't even thought of an intruder!
DS: Well, what the hell did you think it was?
Me (truly freaked out): A cat ghost.
Me (defensively): It sounded EXACTLY like a cat jumping from the dining room table onto the floor.
DS (rolling over): Good night.
Me: But now I'm thinking about intruders. I can't fall asleep.
Me: I need to you to get up and check the snow outside the window for footprints.
DS (gets up irritably and pretends to peer through window slat): Nothing.
Me: You weren't even looking. Do it again, but use the big flashlight.
DS: Wait a minute. Did you have Diet Coke at dinner?