(Those of you who are shocked to find actual words under that title and not just blank space have just earned 10 bonus points).
1. I know very little about football.
2. In junior high, I once made a touchdown while playing flag football in PE class. I can still remember the feeling of exultation, and vague surprise that no one was catching me, as I raced down the field to the sound of my teammates screaming my name. I ran over the goal line, turned, and realized that they'd been screaming because I had just made a goal for the opposing team. This turned me against football for life.
3. I have had "downs" explained to me an easy hundred times over the course of my life and have made peace with the fact that I will never ever understand what they are.
4. My best friend's husband did successfully, and patiently, explain what "offsides" means to me. I basically sit around the whole game and wait for this to happen because it's the only thing I can comment about without sounding like an idiot.
5. I like the shiny, tight uniforms, but I can't tell one player from another with their helmets on. And, yes, I know their names are on their shirts, but I'm too blind to read them.
6. Super Bowl Sunday is an excellent time to go shopping. The stores are virtually empty. Ditto restaurants.
7. I'm a big fan of wings, chips and dip, and other football-type food. I feel this should count in my favor.
8. I watch the Super Bowl for the commercials.