Shamefaced

So, uh, the horrific insomnia I wrote about a couple of posts back? That's been keeping me awake, wandering my house and eating pudding cups after midnight for nearly a month now? You know what else has been going on for nearly a month now?

*dying of shame*

I've ... um ... kind of been drinking iced tea by the bucketful. Like almost a pitcher a day.

And I understand that for most of you, this would be a no-brainer connection. Tom had even asked me at one point, as I sat sipping an enormous frosty cup of iced tea at 7:30 pm, if it had caffeine.

"No," I assured him happily, "It's Lipton. All Lipton tea is decaffeinated."

Right? Right? Tell me I'm not alone on this (wrong) assumption. Wasn't their slogan something like "naturally decaffeinated" a few years back?

*crickets*

Well, fine. Suffice it to say that the lack of sleep had become dire enough that I was wracking my brain (and the internet) to figure out what had been keeping me awake at night.

TOP DIAGNOSIS CONTENDERS:

1. Perimenopause/shifting hormonal levels (self diagnosed!)

2. Brain tumor (always a favorite contender)

3. Tom and his creaky C-PAP mask that he wears to sleep (hey, what good is being married if you can't blame random crap on your spouse?)

I don't even know what led me to the cupboard where I keep the tea bags, but as I turned the box over and over in my hands, I do recall thinking You'd think if this stuff was decaffeinated that they would advertise that somewhere on the box. No proudly emblazoned "naturally decaffeinated." Suspicious.

And, oh! There on the back by the nutritional information were the words "This product contains 10 mg. caffeine per 8 fl. oz. serving." I stood there stunned. I felt personally betrayed.

That was three days ago. I've had two really good night sleep since.

NEW POSSIBLE DIAGNOSIS CONTENDERS:

1. Early Alzheimer's (what company used to say "naturally decaffeinated"??)

2. Brain Tumor (I don't want to jinx myself by taking it out of the running).