Warning: Home Renovation May Be Hazardous to Your Reflection

As enamored as I've been of my shiny new master bathroom, with its icy blue walls, light sage-and-blue striped shower curtain, and gorgeous brushed-nickel oval mirror, it's been a long while since I've taken a good hard look at MYSELF in that mirror. Today I did.

Girlfriend's lookin' a little rough around the edges, I must say.

My hair is in desperate need of my stylist/colorist, with a solid inch+ of roots showing and a style that could best be described as "let's get this trainwreck into a ponytail and under a baseball cap ASAP." We won't discuss the fact that the roots are also peppered with gray to an alarming degree. Or the two rogue gray eyebrows I found. WTF? I'm 38.

There was a smudge of green paint ON MY BRA. A bra which surely (yes, yes definitely) has been washed since I painted green in the living room. And even if it hadn't ... how'd I get it on my bra? The mind boggles.

My face looks tired. I am tired. I don't remember being this consistently tired since I had a newborn. The other night after my shower, I was drying off and noticed an enormous smear of paint down my right arm. Like, say, eight inches long by two inches wide. For the life of me, and I stood there awhile and thought hard, but I couldn't remember if I'd washed that arm. And rather than get back in the shower, re-wash, and delay bedtime by another 15 minutes? I got in bed and figured I'll catch that arm tomorrow. Hopefully. That's tired.

I've definitely put on a few pounds during the renovation. Our diet has been erratic at best. Takeout pizza, quickie meals of microwaved hotdogs (eaten standing up, even), cereal, more Diet Coke with Vanilla than you have ever even conceived of, and let's not forget my standby coping device: panic-eating. I get a phone call saying that, oh BTW, the flooring cost about $1600 more than you thought it would, putting you way over your flooring allowance. I dip straight into the Mint Milanos. I may be paying you $1600 more than I planned, overpriced flooring company, but as I chew viciously on this cookie, I am pretending it is your neck. Ha. Who's the loser now?

(I would also like to mention that my gym membership has not done my figure on single whit of good lately. This may or may not be related to the fact that I haven't technically been to the gym in two and a half months. But still. I strongly feel that you should get, like, a 300 calorie per day credit, just for having the gym membership. Because it shows that you have the intention to be healthy, even if you're not really strong on the follow-through).

I guess we all know what my New Year's resolution is going to be, right? In the meantime, I've booked an appointment with my hair stylist for next Friday. And I'm absolutely having her dye my eyebrows, too.