Not So Much TGIF as Thank God I Survived the Week

Things That Made This Morning Suck - in crescendoing order:

1. Having the stomach flu.

2. Crappy night's sleep, in which I thought a serial killer was tapping on the window because a creepy dude selling meat out of his truck came to my door yesterday.

3. Finally waking up from said crappy night to discover that the tapping sound was actually freezing rain hitting the window. Toss-up as to whether or not this was any improvement over the serial killer.

4. Making Daddy Shortbread's coffee while having stomach flu because I was grateful he was taking the girls to school for me. He was in the shower, and I wanted to do something nice for him. However, coffee (normally my life's blood) smells like retch to me when I'm sick.

5. Cue the cat. Who retches. On the carpet, of course.

6. Clean up cat retch and try to hold my breath and avert eyes. Difficult to effectively clean this way. Succumb to dry heaves.

Bear (a.ka. World's Most Sensitive Person to All Things Vomit-Related): Moooom, can you stop doing that? You're grossing me out, and I'm trying to eat!

Me (in the manner of Bill the Cat): I'm - ack- not- oop, ACK - trying to!

7. Hear large splashing sound and "oops" from Bug, who was in the kitchen. Pull self together to investigate. Notice enormous family-size jug of juice has fallen out of the fridge and come open because Certain People (*cough* Bear *cough*) like to just slap the lid on without actually screwing it on. Lake Cranberry-Pomegranate is spreading like a tsunami across the linoleum. Consider crying. Clean it up instead.

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On the extreme upside of stomach flu, my week's diet of tea and toast seems to have had the anticipated result of Bonus Weight Loss! Suck on THAT, Dr. Atkins.