Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Another Snow Day. Oh, Goody.

By March, the novelty of snow days has worn off (for me, at least - my kids are pretty much always on board for sleeping in). Whereas December and January snow days inspired me to whip up homemade pancakes and engineer elaborate art projects with the girls, in March you're more likely to find me huddled in a corner muttering profanities. Quietly, but with great fervor.

We've hit the allotted number of snow days in our school district, meaning that any more days cancelled for snow are tacked on to the end of the school year. And that SUCKS. Schools in Maine are in session until around June 20th anyway, and there have been really snowy years where Maine kids are still in school until July. Frankly, I'd probably be likely to call them in "sick" and head to the beach. Maine summers are short. Use it or lose it.

This Monday was a snow day (as was last Monday!). We got a fresh foot of snow atop the two-ish feet we already had. See my kids trekking up the hill to sled? I was watching them out the window and thought, huh, that doesn't look as deep as I expected. I guess I'll take the camera and go out back with them.

Yeah, funny story here. You know how kids are lighter than adults? A smarter person than me would have realized that perhaps the kids weren't sinking down through all the layers of snow. Whereas I ..*cough*...am not as light as a kid. I sank all the way down past my knees. Making it kind of hard to lift my legs high enough to take a step without falling down. Especially when you're holding expensive camera equipment. And not wearing gloves.

I may or may not have fallen completely over onto my back and required the kids' help to extricate myself from the backyard snow-impersonating-as-quicksand. It wasn't my proudest moment. The children seemed to enjoy it, though.This is me pretending to be happy that I get to fire up the tractor and snow-blow the driveway. Again. Sigh.
While I began the always-pleasant task of wrestling the tractor with its immense snow-blower attachment out of the garage, the girls migrated to the front yard and declared their intention to build a snow fort. Once I began the actual snow-blowing, though, they abandoned their fort idea for a new game of their invention. Running jerkily through the deep snow of the yard, they followed alongside me down the driveway, getting completely pelted with the snow thrown by the blower. This evolved into flinging themselves facedown in the cushiony drifts and waiting for deluge of snow, then running ahead again and flinging themselves down again. Repeat 126 times. Apparently, this is hilarious.

Far funnier to me was when I finally put the tractor away and took a good look at Bear and Bug. I mean at The Snow Children of Maine. Even Bear's eyelashes were coated in snow a la The White Witch from the Narnia movies. "Don't shake it off!" I ordered and ran for the camera.
"My hood feels heavy," Bear complained, as she turned around to let me take a photo of the backs of their heads. Hmm. I wonder why that would be? Maybe because it's completely packed full of snow?? It was right around this point that Bear caught a glimpse of herself in the camera lens and her amusement with the whole situation started to turn to alarm. Her hands flew to her head, and she whispered, "My hair. It's totally frozen." Really? You think? How mysterious.
She began to try to pull the balls of snow and ice out of her horrifically tangled hair. It wasn't happening. I began to giggle at her consternation, as she kept looking over at me like Do something, you're the mom.

"Arrg! Arrg! It won't come out! How will I get it out?" Bear asked in a slightly hysterical tone, patting frantically at her head at her snow-encased head.
By now I was laughing so hard that my cold-induced asthma kicked in, and though I was trying to tell her that, babe, it's ICE, it melts, and a nice hot shower will take care of it, I couldn't manage to get the words out between the wheezing and the laughing. I finally choked out, "shower" and saw the comprehension and relief dawn on her face.
Bug was equally amused by her sister's distress and her mother's helpless wheezy laughter.

Aren't snow days awesome?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Signs of the Apocalypse

1. I served bison burgers (yep, literally, ground bison) for dinner yesterday. My kids ate them without complaint. OK, so I may not have actually disclosed the fact that they were eating bison per se, but these kids can sniff out a new ingredient, brand, or recipe substitution like cranky, furless bloodhounds. I actually managed to get one by them. This is HUGE.


2. Last night Bear came to me and said, "Mom, would it be OK if I set my alarm to wake up earlier in the morning?" I stifle the wild giggle that erupts at the thought of Bear voluntarily waking up before 6:00 am and manage to answer her sweetly, "Sure, honey, that would be fine." I wait for her to laugh and tell me she's joking, but she calmly leaves and goes into her room. I trail her suspiciously and see her re-setting her alarm.


2. This morning, Bear's alarm goes off a 5:40 am. I hear her turn it off. I doze until 6:00 am when Daddy Shortbread gets up and begins his I Am Not A Morning Person performance piece.

"Hey," I tell him, as he begins the part where he shuffles to the bathroom with his eyes closed, "Stick your head in Bear's room and tell her to start waking up." He leaves, then returns to tell me that her light is on and her door is closed.

Oooh, well-played, Bear! I think, figuring that she woke up long enough to flip on her light and shut the door, thinking that this would con us into thinking she is awake. Ha. I get up and head to her bedroom, knowing I'll find the typical morning scenario of Bear snuggled deep under her comforter, sound asleep and completely resistant to noise, light, or any attempt to rouse her.

Opening her door, I find her completely dressed and sitting on her already-made bed reading a book.


4. For the first time in weeks, none of us are currently sick.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Sharing My Kindle With You (But Not Really, So Don't Get Any Ideas)

My husband recently bought me a Kindle 2.0, The Best Gift Ever. Even knowing that it is my Valentine's Day/Mother's Day/Arbor Day gift does not dampen my affection for this little slice of technological heaven. It is quite possibly the perfect gift for me.

I confess that when Daddy Shortbread received his first iPod and went into raptures about how awesome and life-changing it was, I may have discreetly rolled my eyes a few times and/or mocked him to my friends. A bit. (Sorry). I mean, I have a iPod, too, and it's cool for the gym and all...but, dude. Get a grip.

Then I got my Kindle and realized that God had made an ultimate gadget for me, too. Because Daddy Shortbread : Music, as Jenn : Books.

I will read just about anything, unless it sucks or I get bored. Life is way too short to ready crappy writing or lame plots, and I sometimes have a mild panic attack when I think about all the well-crafted, beautifully written books that I will never have the chance to read. Really, this keeps me awake at night. I am that dorky. Knowing that there is an unlimited supply of awesome books out there makes me completely ruthless when I encounter a crappy one. I'll give it a couple of chapters, check the ending to see if things improve, and then ditch it if they do not. No mercy. Next!

The Kindle revolutionizes reading for me. How? I'm so glad you asked because I was going to tell you anyway.

1. It's sexy. I look cute holding it.

2. It holds 1500 books.

3. You can buy new books FROM YOUR KINDLE using the same basic technology as a cell phone. Don't ask me for details. I haven't got a clue how this works. Let's just pretend a magical fairy named "Whispernet" lives inside the Kindle and flies off to Amazon to get me new books when I order them, K? And Whispernet is a fast little sucker because the new books show up in less than a minute.

4. You can buy these books with one click of a button. This is also kind of dangerous, if you tend to be a somewhat "spontaneous" shopper like myself. (But it's in the name of KNOWLEDGE).

5. It talks to me. Seriously. If my delicate lil' peepers are fatigued from reading, I push a button and it reads out loud to me. I can even decide if I want the robotic female or robotic male voice to read. Bug is enchanted by this feature.

6. I can change the size of the type. This is huge for me, since I can see about as well as a platypus, which Daddy Shortbread assured me has terible eyesight when I just now ordered him to name an animal that doesn't see well.

7. It's environmentally friendly. E-books mean no paper, no exhaust pollution from shipping, and no chemicals from ink. See all the cool ways I can rationalize buying books now?

8. The screen is not back-lit like a computer, so it's easy on the eyes and you can read it in bright sunlight. I didn't believe this either, but it's true.

9. There's a bunch of other cool things about it, but I'm getting hungry and there are cranky short people kvetching about wanting dinner, so you'll have to go to Amazon.com if you want to know more. (And, nope, they're not paying me to review their product, but I'd happily accept some e-books as thanks, if they're reading. Hello? Amazon?)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Shooting Buddies

Two storms ago, we had one of those story-book snowfalls where the whole world is powder-sugar perfect. Since then, we've gotten another foot and a half of snow, and I'm over it. Over. It. Cue April.

But two storms ago, I was inspired to go on a photography spree around town to shoot the beautiful fresh snow. Which I now hate.

We started in our own backyard. I love the pop of color from the girls' playhouse against the snowy woods.
We drove down to an old mill by the river. The sky was a rare thing for February in Maine: blue. It was so wonderful to be looking at something other than the typical monochromatic palette of leafless trees /gray sky /white snow, that we hung out and took quite a few shots despite the cold that left my fingers numb. I told Bug to hop in the van, so we could warm up while we drove to the next vista.
"Hang on!" she called urgently over one shoulder, "I need to get this shot."

Confession: I've maybe been a tad obsessed with photography this past year. She's probably heard those exact words from my mouth around 85,000 times. Karma sucks.
Bug lined up her shot very carefully, pressed the shutter and then checked the LCD screen to be sure it came out. She took one more shot before she was satisfied, then joined me in the van.
We headed down to the river to get some wintry shots of the Kennebec. By then the sun had gone behind the clouds, leaving behind a leaden gray sky. As I set up to shoot, I recalled that the thing about rivers in winter is that they're...gray...and about as interesting as a puddle of spit. We took a few shots, grimaced at the boring images on our LCD screens, and went shopping instead. 'Cause that's how we hard-core photographers roll.

See? Boring. Gray. (Also: dirty snow in bottom right-hand corner). Pfffft.The obligatory self-portrait. You will please to ignore my grown-out roots and faded hair color and focus instead on the sweet face of my daughter. I've had to postpone my hair appointment twice, but it's set for Friday. Pinky swear. And it's going to take Satan himself to make me postpone it again.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Transformation

We celebrated Bear's twelfth birthday this week. Back in December, she mentioned that what she really wanted for her birthday this year was to redecorate her room. It was the first she'd mentioned it, and I was surprised. She explained that she'd like something "more grown-up" and "stylish." The more we discussed it, the more clear it became that she'd been thinking about this for quite some time. She began to tick off the elements she was hoping for:

-blue and brown color scheme

-NO flowers or floral designs

-geometric patterns

-neater and less messy (which I was quick to point out was, um, kind of HER deal. The whole Webkinz Warehouse After a Typoon effect was all her doing.)

I agreed. Nana signed on as Chief Painter. Most of her gifts this year revolved around her new bedroom decor: comforter, curtains, mirror, nightstand, desk set, etc.

We ordered and returned eight comforters before finding The Ultimate Comforter. Bear pored over paint samples, taping them to the wall for consideration. She winnowed them down to two: teal for the walls and chocolate brown for the trim. She wondered whether we could do polka-dots on the walls. I thought not. We compromised on a stripe and one wall painted in contrast colors (brown wall, aqua trim). Bear's Bedroom, Version 3.0 was a go.
Bear had her last room re-do in April 2005. She chose a soft shade of blue for the walls with pale butter yellow trim and white ruffled curtains. It was a dreamy, girly haven with butterflies hanging from the ceiling and a throw-rug shaped like a daisy. Gradually, posters of pop stars began to find their ways onto the walls, and she started griping when I put the Disney princess pillowcases on her bed.
Just to be perfectly clear, here is a photo of Bear from that month. She was eight-years-old and cute as a button.
And, now, not quite four years later in her newly redone bedroom:
HOLY GOD. Who is this teenager, and where did she hide my little girl?
This is one of Bear's favorite parts of her new room. Posters were a must in her book, but I hate the cluttered look when they're taped haphzardly all over the walls. As a compromise, I helped her mount her bazillion posters, carefully torn from the pages of Tiger Beat magazine, in a massive collage on her closet door. Eventually, we'll cover the other door, too, but we're waiting for the next batch of magazines. I have to admit, I think it looks pretty cool. You know, if you're into underage boys. KIDDING.
Here's a wide-angle shot from the doorway. It still takes me aback to walk into this not-a-little-girl's-room-anymore and see a lanky preteen sprawled on the bed talking on the phone. I mean, it doesn't seem that long ago that I was twelve (and if you're doing math in your heads, you can just knock it the hell off).
My twelve-year-old Bear: dreamer, dancer, writer, hugger, laugher, runner, singer, musician, videographer, joker, reader, and preteen sweetheart.
I can only use "preteen" to describe her for one more year. And that is killing me.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Wii Smack Talk

Scene: Bug is doing yoga with Wii Fit in our living room. She is standing on one foot on the Balance Board, while holding the other foot up high behind in one hand with the other hand stretched far in front.

Wii Trainer Voice (melodic and gentle): You're swaying a little bit. Lean farther forward while keeping your back straight and your abdominals tight.

Bug: Yeah, that's not going to happen lady.